Occasionally, I feel compelled to find a cozy place to sit and I'll find myself reading through old letters to God in my journal.
Oftentimes, these letters can be shorter than a page and be about nothing other than how excited I was about the sunshine. Other times, they make me smile and laugh at memories I'd thought I'd forgotten. And still other times, they are like Ebenezer moments, calling me back to points in my life where my heavy cloud of emotions prevented me from seeing Jesus' handprints in my life.
Tonight I came across a letter that both made me cry but also really encouraged my heart, and it is my hope that you will be uplifted as well.
08 - 14 - 21
Dear God,
What a day.
Hard for me to accept that today was my last day at Sub Station. It was such a wonderful summer with everyone. The absolute best crew that I could have ever asked or hoped for.
I wish this chapter didn't have to end. I feel like I learned so much in these pages. The stretch marks, folded corners, and thickening plot -- all because of you.
All to be so grateful for, and yet, you know I hate change. It really hurts my heart. And I don't know why you've made me this way.
All I have to say is hallelujah, even here. Even here, LORD, you come to meet me.
I know you're here in this moment too.
Are you close enough to hear my breath catching between sobs? Are you near enough to feel the tears fall down my face and hit the page? Is your presence around me thick enough to feel this pain in my aching heart?
I believe that the answer to all of these questions is yes -- and yet, it does not feel true right now.
Why is it that my feelings seem so big, so larger than life? Shouldn't your name be enough to quell them?
God, I lift myself up to you. I lay my pieces at your feet. I don't know how to put myself back together -- but you do. You're already gluing me back together like kintsugi. Help me to keep trusting you with this masterpiece that you're building with my heart.
Even when it feels hard, I want to look to you as my Helper.
Here I am, LORD. Mend me.
Love,
Me <3
The beautiful thing about this life is that there are days where we are a voice of encouragement to others and days where we are the ones that need the encouragement.
Friends, whatever headspace you might be in tonight, come lay your pieces at Jesus' feet. You'd be surprised at just how beautiful He is creating you to be. Even if it doesn't feel like it, and even if you can't see it -- He is mending you.
I can see the masterpiece He is building in your heart, and my! It is captivating.
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